Frederick Flather – a quintessential American
My friend Frederick Flather, a lawyer, novelist, historian, and independent thinker, passed away on Monday April 16 2012, at the age of 80. I have lost a friend with whom I have enjoyed many enlightening conversations.
Freddie reminds me of the official motto of New Hampshire – Live Free or Die. He had had Type I diabetes since 5 years old, and essentially managed his diabetes by himself. He became legally blind in his last two years, but refused to accept assisted living at a very nice retirement community where he owned a unit. He loved his historic house (circa 18xx) which provided him the freedom, comfort and independence perceived by him. I do not remember how many times he told me that he wanted to leave this world by simply not waking up one day at his home. He did exactly that – he did not wake up on the night of April 16, 2012.
He truly lived a life as independent as possible till the last minute. I remember that when I went to his house to have a dinner with him on March 5, I was stunned to find that he actually set the dining table quite formally by himself even though I brought food, disposable utensils and containers as always. He absolutely refused to allow me to clean dishes. He wanted to do it by himself. This happened when he was essentially blind and dependent on a wheelchair with an assistant staying at his house 24/7. He administered insulin for his diabetes by himself toward the end of his life. He never wanted to bother anyone, even not by the scene of his illness. This is why he declined my visit the only time on Wednesday April 11, 5 days before his departure, because he was struggling with a stomach illness.
Not only did Freddie care about his freedom, but also about others. He did not hunt, but he often wore an NRA cap to show his support for fellow Americans to have the freedom of owning guns.
Like many other people, I have benefited from Freddie’s vast knowledge. He was a walking encyclopedia that I consulted whenever I had a chance. Our conversations covered history, law, politics, language, culture…. I always felt it was a loss of the society that Freddie never touched a computer hence shunned the online world. When I see the vast amount of garbage online, I often think how nice it would be if Freddie could contribute his deep and honest thoughts to the online community counteracting the ubiquitous oral diarrhea.
One thing that Freddie never offered is nonsense. He was honest, straight and right to the point. This allowed me, who grew up in a different culture and am in a forever process of understanding the American subtlety in political correctness, to learn many things that are not widely or openly talked about for various reasons. The conversation with him is unique and always enlightening.
Looking at his worn furniture, one can tell that Freddie was a saver and frugal spender. However, he was generous to friends. He gave generously to those in need.
I will be forever grateful to Freddie for his kindly allowing me to share his spacious 3-room office suite with symbolic rent. I will never forget all the good time that I spent with my officemate even though I went to the office only once in a while.
Freddie, what a life! You have shown us the true freedom, independence and honesty.